I have never been more grateful for those 9 tiny whetū that have just reappeared on our dawn horizon. Matariki means different things to different people, but to me this year, is a sign that we have passed the longest, darkest night and that things can only get better.
You see, my partner and I have been living off of one income for the past 10 weeks since the construction sector took a massive downturn. Paying the mortgage off my sole income as a full-time student is not something I could have planned for. It’s been the most challenging time so far in our relationship, and we’ve both had to dig deep to not take the stress of the situation out on each other.
And we are not alone.
I see people from ALL walks of life walk through my clinic doors, and it’s been humbling to hear stories of job losses, untenable interest rate rises and struggles to find a new job.
The only people I personally know who are not doing it hard are part of a group that rhymes with zoomers and starts with B. But I know there are many pensioners doing it hard too.
I heard a really good one the other day on John Campbel’s Budget Roadie (good watch) from Kaikohe local Kane Lyden: “It’s like economic Covid, without the mask”.
Just like Covid, we are all affected by this recession slash cost of living crisis, and it’s starting to impinge on our taken-for-granted freedoms and privileges.
Like work security. Low interest rates. And disposable income.
Times are seriously hard for a lot of folk in Aotearoa right now, and it’s completely understandable why so many of us are heading across the ditch to the fairer (yet more dangerous) waters of Aussie.
There’s got to be a positive spin to this recession slash cost of living crisis right?
What has helped me to mentally deal with the stress of our situation had been to reframe my thinking around it, and to search for the positives.
We know that focussing on the positives actually changes our brain chemistry, by releasing feel good hormones such as seratonin and dopamine which enhance our sense of wellbeing.
Focussing on the positives can also change the wiring in our brain in a process called neuroplasticity. The more we search out things to be grateful for, the more our brains will become hardwired to reinforce the positive patterns of thinking and behaviour.
So when I sat down and consciously came up with a list of silver linings of being broke, this is what I came up with:
Silver lining #1: Quality time:
When my partner and I were both working full time, we were seriously like ships in the night. Now, we have moved beyond Netflix as the default evening wind-down, and have progressed to having actual conversations with each other to really discover who the other person is and how they are coping. We may be poor, but we have the most precious thing of all: quality time.
Silver lining #2: Improved communication
Our communication game has had to level up as we’ve been under newfound levels of financial stress. There is no room for knee-jerk emotional reactions when you are dealing with keeping the lights on and the bank off your back. We’ve learned to put our egos to the side and really listen to each other’s needs to get through this.
Silver lining #3: Less wasteful budget
Before this experience, we thought we knew how much pūtea (money) we needed to survive, but really we had no idea. Now, we can tell you exactly what is a must have, versus a nice to have. The good news is that when we do go back to earning more, we will be able to funnel that extra pūtea into things that really matter to us, like finishing our reno’s or paying off our mortgage so we can achieve financial freedom sooner.
Silver lining #4: More equitable housework division
I could write a whole blog post about this one, but this 10 weeks has been an opportunity to reevaluate who does what around the home, and to make visible the previously invisible, historically female dominated labour of clothes washing, dishes, cooking, and cleaning. Hurō! (Hooray)
Silver lining #5: Gratitude for the small things
Thanks to being unemployed, my partner finished undercoating all our internal walls! Just in time to have an incredibly fun and belated housewarming party. Our house may not be as finished as we would like and some doors lack handles, but our friends didn’t mind and we were abundantly blessed with good kai, hearty laughs, and soulful connections. The good stuff, right?
Matariki encourages us to slow down. To take a moment and reflect on what it is really that we are living for. Do we live to work? Or work to live? What gets us up in the morning?
Gratitude shifts our mindset from one of deficiency, to one of abundance. The more blessings we focus on, the more we see we actually have, and the richer we actually are.
Matariki is also a time to dream big, and plan ahead.
You want to know our little Matariki miracle?
When we wished upon the wishing star Hiwa-i-te-rangi for a job for my partner, we got one! He started his new job last week and we are so grateful for new beginnings.
These tiny little 9 stars which are barely visible to the naked eye seem so insignificant when you look up at the night sky, but they give us so much hope.
They disappear for a couple of months each year, and I reckon it’s because of this darkness that we suddenly appreciate their light when they reappear.
“The darker the night, the brighter the stars.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Crime and Punishment” (1866)
When you are going through a period of darkness, when things are stressful, or you can’t see the way forward, stop. Look around you and search for the light.
Just like Matariki, they may be small, but your blessings will grow as you focus your attention towards them.
Kia kaha tātou x
Laura
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